Ways to Discipline Children Without Spanking

In my experience, however, every mom, I have ever met, hates spanking her children. It is usually done, only when she can think of no other way to solve the problem.

That is the reason for this discussion. I am offering alternatives to spanking because it makes moms feel lousy and that is not good for you or you children. Remember that healthy families are created by happy moms. Because of this it in everyone’s best interest that we find ways to discipline children that we can feel good about. Finding and honoring your own parenting style is important.

It may also be helpful to know that most of the research, on child discipline, indicates that occasional, mild spankings are not harmful, but not helpful either. Use this information the way you see fit.

Keep in mind that what children want most of all is their parent's attention, and they will work very hard to get it. Whatever behavior (positive or negative) gets your child the most attention (positive or negative) is the behavior that you will see again and again.

Here is a list of ways to discipline children without resorting to spanking.

• Use A "Time Out" (effectively and consistently).
  • For ideas from Center For Effective Parenting on ways to Discipline Children
  • For instructions from C.S. Mott Children's Hospital
• Allow natural consequences--The child dawdles in the morning; the child is late for school. Don't rescue the child from the natural consequences, such writing an excuse note for the tardy.
• Impose logical consequences--The child makes a mess; the child must clean it up before playing, TV, etc. If your child is uncooperative in the morning, impose an earlier bedtime. The success of this techniques, requires that we, as mom’s, stay strong and impose the logical consequence--no rescuing.
• Build on positive behavior, while ignoring (non-dangerous) negative behavior. Comment on the behavior that you like, giving lots of praise, hugs, affection and attention.
• Use incentives such as tokens or fake money to build on positive behavior. The child is given tokens for positive behavior and charged tokens for negative behavior. The tokens or fake money can then be used to buy extra privileges around the house.
• Yucky behavior, yucky job. What is a job that you hate and your kids hate? This can be used as a consequence for rudeness and or unacceptable words.
• No sweets in a dirty mouth. I use this as a consequence for rude or unkind words; no dessert, cookies, etc for a day.
• Just listen. If your child is irritable or in a bad mood, perhaps no discipline is in order. Sometimes just listening and giving your child the chance to express his feelings is all that is needed. More on Listening Skills.

You may want to check out one of these books to see if it fits with your particular parenting style

Remember that it is important to find the methods to discipline children that fit with your individual personality. You will only be consitent if you believe in the techniques and they fit with your values.