Homekeeping and the Not-So-Perfect-Mom

Many of us put pressure on ourselves to do things the “right way” to be the “perfect mom”. But I must tell you that you will never be the perfect mom, because that woman does not exist. And that one right way that we are trying to find, well it is different for everyone, so you will never find that either!

Many of us are trapped by what we think our homes “should” look like or what our lives “should” be like. These are expectations imposed upon us by others. We do not have to accept them.

Remember, that many of these standards are given to us by people who want to sell us something. Whether it is cleaning supplies, appliances, books or groceries, it is their best interests they are serving, not yours.

To figure out what effective homekeeping is for you it can be helpful to decide: What you want. What you value. What you have.

• What I Want: What do I want from my home?
• What is my home used for?
• What level of cleanliness is most comfortable for me.
• How much work am I willing to do to get it (either doing it myself or getting my kids to do it)?
• What bothers me more the clutter or the dirt or something else?
• Are there rooms or areas of the house that are lower priority?
• Are there tasks that are lower priority?
• Is it worth the time, energy and money that will be necessary to keep my home the way I want it?
• What I Value: What are my strengths and what do I want to help my children develop?
• Is it Self discipline, self reliance, organization, cleanliness, pride?
• Is it creativity, kindness, self acceptance, spontaneity?
• Is it cooperation, tolerance, patience, mindfulness, etc.?
• What I have: What is my family situation right now?
• What ages are my children?
• How do their ages and special needs affect our house?
• Who lives in the home?
• How many activities are my family involved in?
• How much help can I expect?
• What other responsibilities do we have?

These questions plus any others that you might ask yourself will help you figure out what effective homekeeping is for you. Expectations that are too high and standards imposed by others do nothing more that cause you frustration.

If you want your home spotless, but have a bunch of toddlers, no one to help you and prefer to be a creative, unstructured mom, then what you want, what you value, and the life situation that you have is out of sync and you will be frustrated.

If you are content to let the housework go and accept a cluttered home, BUT want to instill in your children the value of cleanliness and organization, you will probably not get what you want.

If you value home cooked family dinners, at which everyone is present BUT you work long hours or your family has lots of outside activities and responsibilities, you may begin to blame yourself because you just can't "get it together" to have those family dinners. Instead, it may be time to takea closer look at the reality of your situation and your expectations.

Knowing what you want, what you value and what you (realistically) have will help you create an environment that will love and nurture your children. You can then be a “not-so-perfect mom” who is perfect for your family.